Christmas Volunteer Musician

Christmas Volunteer Musician Syndrome!
By Rhiannon Schmitt

Left fingers twitching sickly to the proverbial pulse of “Jingle Bells,” eyes watering from the fog of pine scent and lips stained from countless coats of cherry red lipstick, I demonstrate flawlessly the symptoms of “carolitis,” commonly known as “ Christmas Volunteer Musician Syndrome,” CVMS.

This ailment, widespread among music teachers and performers late each western calendar year, first attacks the nervous system (enter twitching hands) then progresses into a brief state of anxiety and consistent lateness to all gigs and lessons (double-booking is common).

Once this passes, the afflicted enters the denial phase, (“No, I didn’t take on too much this year!”) but then finally accepts this condition as his/her destiny as a musician and finds ways to cope, such as playing Silent Night in all twelve keys, one after another, for a bit of variety.

Extreme cases cause even the bitterest musicians to become giddy and frivolous, gleefully depositing December’s hard-earned rent money into the little red kettle because “the bells just sounded so pretty.”

We see these people wandering through malls playing guitar until their arms are stiff and fingers raw, or strolling on icy streets singing until their voices are frozen, but the puzzling thing is that they are wearing a smile of true contentment. Why do these people sacrifice their time and sanity to play us the same music again and again? They play their carols because they know it will touch someone and make a difference in the world.